Saturday, July 21, 2012

What is this feeling?

I have had this very unsettling felling of discomfort lately. I almost cant put my finger on it, buts its a combination of guilt and unrest. I cant sleep at night though at the same time I am tired all the time. That's only making it worse. You know that feeling you get when you were a child, when an adult says your name while you are doing something that you shouldn't be doing and you jump? That's what I feel like.

What am I doing to make me feel this way? Maybe I am just sick of all the bull shit. Though it feels like its more then that. There is the constant mommy guilt that most mothers have for one reason or another. Mine is running a little deeper at the moment thanks to regret. I wish I could do so much more for my little man.

Maybe that's it. Regret, or should I say the past. My past. I am not very good about letting things go. How do you forgive yourself for decisions that you made when you were to young and to dumb to know at what coast you were making them. Have you ever heard of the term " Don't should all over yourself."? I should all over the damn place. I should have stayed in college, I should of had more self worth, I should of listened  to what people were trying to tell me. There is nothing I can do about all the shoulds. If your facing your past, it makes it awful hard to face your future. I heard someone say this past week, that's why they make rear view mirrors so small. You need to be paying attention to what is ahead of you.


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