Change

I have always known there was something bigger then myself. A mystic force.  I call it God, though others call it different things. I go through phases in my life where I want to learn more about this force, other times I run away from it. Sometimes I feel as if the faster I run, the stronger the force gets. I look at my life and there is so much crazy in it that all I can do at times is laugh. I have little passion, lost dreams, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't even know who I am. When I was younger I had such spark. Now I have a failed marriage, lost friends, and my ambition is gone. So what if this force, my God, is calling out to me through all these things. What if I need to change. And there it is, that word, Change. So many of us is afraid of this word but it happens with or without our consent. To change can mean to transfer or convert, or to transfer from one to another. I need change. I need to change. I need something more then the way I have been living. I mean, I couldn't even tell you what I want out of life right now. I'm 27, that's not supposed to happen when you 27.

I know all to well that I don't have the privilege to play Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love. But with the right state of mind and the right tools, I wont have to go to Bali. This week alone I have had lots of change. Its time to embrace it! My favorite time of year is around the corner. Everything from what I see, smell, and taste makes me fall in love with Autumn. It's a great time to learn to fall in love with myself. I have taken tiny steps to prepare for this. I've let got of lovers and friends. For myself, I need to fallow through with finding whatever it is that needs finding with in myself.