There isn't many things in this life I live in that makes me feel loved. I know I am loved by my parents and family. I know my son thinks I hung the moon. Though I don't feel it. I have learned that love is something I have never felt for some reason or another. It is a pain and emptiness that only another kindred spirit can feel. I long for it, to feel loved. I just wish I knew where I lost that feeling at. There is one thing lately that gives it to me. There is a song by Jason Mraz called "I wont give up". It's my God song. I believe that God is my father, and has a love for me that no other human could even try to mimic. When I listen to the words to this song, it's like it was written just to remind me of Gods love. I feel His love, just for the few moments that this song lasts. And it makes me smile.
In my mind I picture this mighty man behind me, rubbing my shoulders. Telling me I'm worth it. He wont give up on us, on me. Supporting me in my fight. Preparing me for whats left to come. There is some kind of healing in it. I know it may sound silly, but it's my communication to God right now. When you are a person as broken as me, that feels so empty and heart broken on a daily basis, you take what you can get. In Gods eyes I am worth so much, and I know He has a plan for me. Though at this moment I couldn't tell you what God is doing with me, I believe He is in fact working on me and my life. It takes all I have not to question what He is doing, and some days I do. It is my job now to trust Him. One of the hardest things for me to do is let go. But that's just what I am doing, letting go. He has been waiting patiently for me. I'm here now though. And I trust you God. Thank you for your love. It's whats getting me through.